Thank You For Loving Me
by crazy CM fan
Summary: "...And tears ran down Emily's cheeks, sometimes, this world was so unfair and so unbelievable cruel." Twoshot Please take the rating seriously, warnings inside!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Take this warning serious! Contains Character Death and Suicide!**

Spencer looked at his watch for the fifth time in the past ten minutes, Dr. Blake had told him to meet her here at 9.15 am now it was already 9.28 am and there was still no sight of her, only a couple of students strolled by from time to time ignoring him completely, here, his look was something normal. Auburn, tousled hair and for a man quite long with beard stubbles in his face.

He was dressed in a with shirt, dark red tie which wasn't straight as usual and a dark grey cardigan, his legs stuck in dark grey, blue slacks and he walked around in his usual pair of chucks. Around his shoulders was his bag filled with books and a pad. All in all he looked like a perpetual student not like a FBI Agent.

He heard the steps of a woman and turned around. She was maybe a head smaller than him; her dark brown hair fell around her shoulders in slight curls like a cascade of molten chocolate. She wore a light grey blouse making a feature of her femininity, dark blue jeans and black high heeled boots. Due to the warm sunny weather, her black blazer laid on a bag similar like his own, in her left was a coffee to go and big sunglasses covered her eyes, but not the bright smile the woman in her early forties gave him.

"Hi! You must be Doctor Reid, I'm Alex Blake nice to meet you in person" she said with a smooth but slightly throaty voice and took the sunglasses off when she stood in front of him. Spencer swallowed when her dark chocolate brown eyes were revealed and he lost himself in them for a moment before he blinked; he had never seen more beautiful eyes in his life.

"Doctor Reid? Are you okay?" Dr. Blake asked and looked at him with a small frown, Reid shook his head and tore his eyes away from hers and blushed at the thought the she had caught him staring at her blatantly.

"Yes! I-I'm fine sorry…well err thank you for inviting me!" he said and she huffed in amusement.

"I should thank you of coming; you're in the BAU team with David Rossi aren't you?" Spencer nodded.

"Mhm yes, he replaced Jason Gideon three years ago" She nodded interested.

"I never had the pleasure working directly with Gideon, but I heard much. Let's go inside" she suggested and he followed her into the auditorium, Spencer Reid was a gentle man, timid around woman he didn't knew and he respected most of them but he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering down and look over her nice backside in the tight jeans.

She placed her bag on a chair by her desk and took a sip of her coffee, when Alex turned around and saw that he still stood some feet next to her desk and looking quite lost.

"Sit down…or you want to prepare you lecture? I won't do much, better said anything today, so feel free" she said and he nodded before he prepared his lecture. While doing so he felt her look upon him, and he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time in an auditorium, nervousness. He was nervous, somehow this woman made him feel like it wasn't an easy thing anymore.

After a while students started to come in but seemed to be unimpressed by the new face only a smattering of them looked at him and whispered something to their friends.

"Good morning everybody! " Alex said loud as soon as this class had filled her auditorium and all had taken a seat. She walked around her desk and looked around. "You know the rules cell phones are turned off and then we'll start" the conversations quiet down to soft murmurs and then complete quiet.

"Well, as promised we'll have a guest lecturer today, make sure not to embarrass me! So pay attention and welcome Dr. Spencer Reid from the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit!" she said and pointed towards Reid who got up. What he didn't see was that his shoelaces had opened and so he tripped at his second step, but was just able to prevent himself from falling.

The students laughed while Reid quickly bent down to tie them and to hide his slight red cheeks, as he had still seen that Blake bit her lip to stop herself from giggling, 'great now she thinks I'm an idiot who can't even tie his shoes'. But against his expectations, she instead of laughing along, turned to her students.

"Silence!" the harsh tone made even Reid flinch and for a moment he was surprised, he had thought that only Hotch was able to do this. "This can happen to anybody and Mr. Schreiber? If I were you I'd be careful about laughing at other people after your latest party! And just an advice the "I lost my teddy bear can I sleep with you instead?" thing is not gonna work with any woman on this planet! Especially not with your Forensic Linguistics Doctor who you called at 3 am" Alex said as she walked to the chair near the desk where Spencer stood now, while the students laughed at a very embarrassed Schreiber.

He looked over to her and mouthed a thank you; she winked and smiled at him again. He could get used to this smile, which made his heart beat faster.

He had managed it; he had managed to teach them something about the different techniques the BAU used in questionings and for their profiles without making a complete fool out of himself in front of them and more important not in front of her.

When half the students had already left she came over and shouldered her bag. "This was a very interesting lecture Dr. Reid, I think both my students and I were impressed, I hope you consider to do this again?" she asked when he finished packing up.

"Yes 'course! And you can call me Spencer" he said and though he hated shaking hands with people he didn't really know, he knew he could, better said he just had to make an exception for her.

"Alex" she answered and shook his hand, when her skin touched his for the brief encounter he was pretty sure he had never felt hands so smooth and- well pleasant as Alex's.

"You…wanna grab a cup of coffee?" Alex asked he wasn't sure if he imagined it, but he though he heard a bit of hope in her voice.

"Don't you have classes?" Spencer asked when they walked to the door together.

"Me? No, I'm finished for today, I drove the way of half an hour only for you" he quickly stepped forward to open the door for her.

"Well, then I think I owe you a coffee." Reid stopped confused, when the smiling Alex turned to her right, but the campus coffee shop was on the left closer to the center of the campus.

"Where are you going? The campus coffee shop is on the other side of the campus"

"Huh? Oh, I'm not gonna drink this dish water, I know a nice small coffee house not far from here!" she said and turned around again as she walked, he watched her for a moment before he realized he had to go with her and started running until he walked beside her.

"Did you come in your car?" the brunette asked when they walked over the parking area.

"Err no I took a cab" Spence answered, hoping that she didn't think that he was a weirdo without a car or license.

"Well then you'll have to tolerate me in my car."

"No problem" he chuckled. After a twenty minute drive he realized where they were driving, it was the same coffee house he was always going.

"I know this place! I'm often there myself to get out of my apartment for a change of scene…though someone stole my pad with notes the last time I was there".

Alex beside him chuckled, "Well about that, I think that might have been me, though I didn't stole it, I found it beside a table when I sat down. That's how I came to ask you to guest lecture" she explained.

"Oh…you didn't keep that pad by accident?" Spencer asked when they drove into the street of the coffee house and into a parking lot.

"Luckily for you I did, it's actually in the back of my car I'll get it" Alex answered while they got out of her car and moments later she gave him his lost pad with his notes.

"Oh great thank you!" he said happy to have it back.

"No problem, so what do I get now?"

"Err…what about a-a- hazelnut chocolate chip cookie?" she stared at him for a moment "O-or something else?"

"No that's fine I love them, they're my favorite…I just don't know how you knew" he scratched the back of his head.

"They are my favorite too, I just guessed" he smiled sheepishly and Alex huffed in amusement. "Why don't you look for a place to sit and I'll bring the coffee, what can I get you?"

"A latte macchiato and that cookie you promised" she answered and he blinked.

"That's all? No "only soymilk" and "absolutely nonfat" or with everything like a chocolate and cream topping and all that bric-a-brac?" he asked and she raised an eyebrow.

"Do I look like I need absolutely nonfat?" he blushed.

"No! No, of course not! B-but well, most the woman I know don't drink their coffee normal anymore" he said and she chuckled.

"Don't worry I was only kidding, but I tend to drink my coffee "normal" as you say it" she said and turned around to look for a seat.

When he had their coffee he looked around and saw her at the end of the coffee at a table for two. "Here you go" he said smiling and placed her coffee in front of her.

"Thanks…so I guess you don't find much time for things like this with your job" he shook his head.

"No I'm afraid I don't but when, I have a very nice company like right now." He was quite pleased with himself when he saw the small blush on her cheeks. She opened her mouth to say something when her cell rang, she sighed when she saw who called.

"Go on, no problem" she flashed him a thankful smile and answered the call.

"James?...no I didn't donate it, where should I donate golf clubs to? They're in the basement…no I didn't clean it…because I have a job and a life too and because it's only your crab down there…yes I'm sure that it is all yours…I'm gonna hang up now and make sure to lock the door! Bye!" she hung up and shook her head whilst she but her cell away again.

Giving Spencer time to face palm himself, of course she was married!.

"Sorry ex-husbands can be a pain in the neck" he tried with all his might to not look happy at this news.

"Sorry to hear that" and he really tried to make it sound like he was.

"No problem, we only saw each other for two to three months and I had my work too, so we decided to end it, better said he but well, it's been nearly 2 years and he is with Doctors Without Borders so that's the only reason some of his stuff is still at my place…enough of that" and he heard that a change of subject was needed.

Just when he was about to say something it was his phone that vibrated it was a message from Garcia to come in. I didn't happen often but now was one of the times he absolutely didn't want to leave.

"Err…I'm sorry but I have to go seems like we have a Case" Spencer said and looked at her apologetically.

"No problem, you wanna have a ride to Quantico? Or…?" Alex asked.

"Oh no thank you there's a train station not far from here" Spence answered and got up.

"Hey…why don't you give me a call when you're back and we…continue this?" Alex asked and he nodded, trying to not show how glad he was that she asked.

"I'd really like that" Spencer said and she wrote her phone number on a napkin and handed it to him.

"Well…we'll see each other" he said lifted the napkin before he turned around and walked away, but not without looking back, stumbling over a chair and nearly knocking a waitress over. The last thing he heard was her giggle.

* * *

He paced back and forth in his apartment the evening he came back from the Case, trying to find a way to invite her. Not only for coffee but maybe a dinner, something like a date.

"Hi, it's me Spencer Reid…I wanted to ask if you would like to have dinner with me?" this didn't sound so stupid, so he looked at the napkin and dialed her number, after the fourth fringing she picked up.

"Hello?"

"H-Hi it's me Spencer…"

"Oh Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine thank you…and you?"

"Couldn't be better" Alex answered and he could even hear her smile and imagined it, even this made his heart beat faster and a strange tingle spread through his stomach.

"So, why did you call?" she asked.

"Err…well I wanted to ask you, if you would like to- well- have dinner with me?" Spencer asked hopefully.

"You mean like a date? You don't do half things Hm?"

"No! Well yes but…urgh, could we start over again?" he asked embarrassed, she would never go out with him and Alex laughed.

"Too bad, I was just about to say yes" she said.

"Well if that is so then, what about we meet at the Plume in The Jefferson? Tomorrow night eight pm?" he asked.

"Yes, but you don't have to take me to such an expensive place Spencer" Alex said.

"The BAU isn't paying bad and I don't spent that much money. So we'll see each other there?" he asked.

"We will, goodbye Spencer" Alex said and hung up. He looked at the phone for a moment before he smiled. They had a date!...Oh no they had a date and he had nothing appropriate to wear for that place.

He waited in front of the Plume in his new black suit with a white shirt and black slim tie and looked at his wrist watch. 7.55 pm, of course he had been here ten minutes early but he couldn't sit in his apartment any longer and choose to wait in the warm spring night.

"Spencer?" he turned around and he couldn't stop his mouth from dropping. She was wearing a knee length, dark blue lace dress with sleeves and a dark blue underdress with a heart shaped cleavage; the lace neckline went deep though the rest of chest and shoulders were covert in lace. She had decent make up and her hair fell across her left shoulder in waves. Alex looked breath taking.

"W-wow" he said and she smiled.

"I'll take this as a complement" she said and then let her eyes wander up and down on him. "You don't look so bad yourself" she said and he grinned.

"Thank you, let's go inside" he said and offered his arm to her and she took it before then went inside.

"Welcome to the Plume" said a young woman behind a counter.

"I reserved a table for two on Spencer Reid" he said and the woman nodded.

"Yes, please follow me" and they were brought to their table and Spencer, like a gentle man, pulled the chair back for Alex to sit down and pushed her to the table, before he sat down across from her and the waitress gave them a menu.

"I'll be back in a minute to take your order, or do you already know what you would like to drink? The Amarone della Valpolicella is excellent!" she said.

"I would take a glass" Alex smiled up at her and the lady nodded before she looked at Spencer.

"The same for me" he said and looked back at his date. The waitress disappeared to get their wine and Spencer searched desperately for a subject to start a conversation, luckily Alex seemed to notice this and began to speak.

"So, you caught the UnSub?" he nodded.

"Yes and we saved the last victim he had, luckily for us it wasn't a hard one, we knew pretty fast who he was, but catching him was something different".

"Yeah I remember this…but I'm happy for you, why don't you tell me something about your team?"

"Well you know Hotch and Rossi, then we have Jennifer Jareau or JJ as everyone calls her, she is our Communications Liaison with the Specialty for the Media and Police, she just came back from her maternity leave, her son Henry is my godson, wait I have a picture!" he said and pulled out his wallet to show her the picture of him and Henry.

"Aw he's really sweet" she cooed when she looked at the small boy on his lap smiling up at his godfather, before giving it back.

"Then we have Garcia she is our Technical Analyst and also Henrys Godmother and a real cheerful person. She is best friends with Derek Morgan, they have all sort of weird nick names for each other causing quiet some trouble for the two, the BAU even held a seminar with examples of their conversations" he told her and Alex grinned.

"Really?"

"Yes, it was quite embarrassing and then we have Emily Prentiss-"

"Wait, Emily Prentiss?" he frowned

"Yeah, why? Do you know her?" Spencer asked back.

"I worked with her for a while, but I haven't heard something from her in a long time" Alex answered "Never thought she would go to the BAU though".

"Well, yeah, that's my team."

"You haven't told me something about you" Alex said just when the waitress with their wine arrived, giving him time to think about, what he should tell her. When their glasses were filled and the waitress gone he raised his glass to chink glasses with her.

"On a nice evening" he said and Alex smiled.

"It's gonna be wonderful. So? Tell me something about you" she stated after nipping at her wine.

"Well there isn't much to tell, I…graduated from High school at age 12 because I have an eidetic memory, I have three PhD's in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering. And two BAS in: Psychology and Sociology. When I was twenty two I joined the BAU and worked for them since then…what a life, I most come over like a complete nerd with only his job." He said.

"Hmm someone just cracked my record, I joined the BAU at age twenty four, I graduated from Berkley with a double major and was the lets say starlet in the Unabomber case and my career in the BAU was kinda ruined by Erin Strauss so I became a teacher at Georgetown so I know what it's like to have only my job, that doesn't matter much to me Spencer" now it was his turn to smile.

"What about your hobby's?" he asked and she cocked her head to the side.

"Well I do like crossword puzzles, my mom did them when I was a child and I wanted to be like her so I started that too, bringing me into linguistics and the BAU…I like music, but I don't have a particular music genre I listen to everything from classic to…more modern things?"

"Define more modern" he saw her blushing a bit.

"Well…it's kinda hip hop though I mostly hear Nas" she said and he chuckled.

"I should introduce you to Morgan fast, he likes him too and though I never told him it's quite good" Spencer said and saw her relaxing a bit more.

"What about you Mister? What is a Spencer Reid doing in his free time?"

"I'm Batman" the answered in a deep voice it must have surprised her as Alex started laughing loud.

"Hey! It could be true you know" he said in mocked offence, loving the sound of her melodic laugher.

"I'm sorry!" managed to say after a while and blinked the tears that had formed in her eyes away.

"Well my hobby is mostly reading and watching Doctor Who, but I like going to movies in different languages" Spencer answered now more seriously.

"Really? I thought I'm the only one doing this" Alex stated, Spencer leaned forward.

"You too? Have you been to the French movie festival in George Town?"

"Yes of course! It was brilliant" she said and raised her glass. "Sur une belle soirée!" she said in perfect French, Reid quickly raised his glass.

"Il est déjà magnifique" he replied and they took a sip of their wine.

"It was a nice evening, thank you" Alex said when they stepped out of the restaurant.

"I have to thank you…you want me to drive you home?" Spencer asked 'Please say yes' he thought and she nodded.

"Yes, that would be nice" they walked to his car and he opened the passenger door for her. It wasn't a long drive due to the good traffic and so they were quite quick at her house near the Rock Creek.

"Well here we are" he said and got out to open the door for here.

"Thank you… that was a wonderful evening Spencer, really" she said and he smiled.

"I liked it too, hopefully we can do this again sometime?" he asked and she smiled.

"Yes…I'd like that. Goodnight Spencer" she said and stood on her toes to press a light kiss to the corner of his lips, before she turned around and walked to her front door. Spencer stood there for a moment longer, watching her for a moment as his fingers traced up to the spot where her lips had been.

* * *

"Hey we`re finished for the day, want to go to a bar?" Morgan asked as they packed up their things.

"I'm in" Emily said and JJ gave them thumps up.

"And you Reid?" Garcia asked. Well what should he say now? He couldn`t go because he would take Alex out for their tenth date and he was lucky to have time to change.

"No, I'm sorry."

"Oh Reid, come on!" JJ pouted.

"I can't, sorry guys!" he said walking in the elevator, the others followed him.

"And why? Your books can wait for one night pretty boy"

"It's not because of my books, I have a date" with that he stepped out of the elevator just before the door closed leaving his confused friends behind.

"Spencer has a date?" Emily asked.

"He has a date and I don't? We have to be in some kind of other Dimension." Morgan said shaking his head.

He managed to be punctual on this important date and he was waiting for Alex in front of her house leaning at his car, the door opened and Alex came out hurrying over to him and he gave her a hug and kissed her cheek.

"Hey there, you're ready?" he asked and opened the door, like he always did.

"Born ready" Alex answered when she got in and he started driving to Union Marked where a drive in theater was playing "The Apartment".

"How was your day?" he asked while waiting to drive on the park area.

"Good, I had only one lecture today, none of my students was a pain in the neck and I solved a crossword puzzle in 5 minutes" she said and he smiled.

"Great, in which time would I've been finished?" he asked and Alex hit his shoulder playfully.

"Hey!" he chuckled and drove into a parking lot and Alex turned over to him "And how was your day?"

"I finished all my reports for the next two days, so I can stay home tomorrow and well I won a bet against Morgan who said I couldn't lift the twenty two pound weight but I could so pretty good day and I have a surprise for you" he said and turned around to reach behind his car seat.

"I prepared a car picnic…with some champagne sorry no alcohol" he said and filled two glasses Alex kissed his cheek.

"As if I need alcohol" she answered and smiled her beautiful smile at him, taking the glass from him before they chinked glasses and took a sip.

"That is really sweet of you Spence" Alex said and he shrugged his shoulders.

i8"It's nothing special." Reid answered and Alex leaned over to pillow her head on his shoulder when the movie started and Spencer laid his arm around her. In the middle of the movie it started raining and Alex had snuggled close to him, he didn't know why, but he just had to do it now. Spencer lifted her head, leaned in and brushed his lips carefully against hers, but pulled back after a couple of seconds when his mind realized what he was doing.

For a moment he thought she would push him back asking what he thought he was doing. But Alex did something totally different "Isn't that supposed to happen after the movie?" she asked quietly.

"I-I'm sorry I-" she silenced him with her lips as she brushed them against his, this time a bit more passionate. Her lips felt so right on his, like it was where they belonged and he could taste the champagne and the own sweet taste of her lips, he knew from this very first moment, he was addicted to the feeling and he needed more.

"Shouldn't we watch the movie?" she asked quietly against his lips but he shook his head.

"We both already saw it" Spencer answered stroking a brown lock behind her ear.

"Point for you" she replied kissing him again, he gently asked for enter and she opened her mouth to grant it with pleasure. And after a long passionate kiss they parted to breathe normally again, but still stayed close and Reid lost himself in her eyes again.

"I think...I'm in love with you" he whispered for a moment she just held his gaze and Alex smiled.

"You think? Are you really Doctor Spencer Reid?"

"Let me put it in another way, Alex Blake? I'm desperately and beyond all hope in love with you" she shook her head and cupped his face with her hands, looking him deep in the eyes.

"No, not beyond all hope Spencer" she said.

"You-?" Alex kissed him again.

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't in love with you Spence" he didn't think twice and kissed her again. They both didn't see much of the film this night; they rather focus more on themselves happy that they confessed their feelings for each other.

* * *

When Spencer came home after a miserable Case in Buffalo; he wanted nothing more than be able to forget the boy's face at the news that the man he thought of as a father figure had killed his mother.

But when Reid reached his apartment he frowned at the faint light shining under his door, there was someone in his apartment! He carefully unlocked the door a hand always at his gun that was still attached to his waist. But once the door was opened he relax but wasn't able to take his hand way from his gun.

"Would you really shoot your girlfriend?" Alex asked when he closed the door.

"No, but I may have when it would have been someone else like I thought" Spencer said and went over to give her a hug and a kiss.

"Bad day Hm" Alex asked and he nodded.

"Yes…sometimes I really don't know if something like justice really exists" he said

"Today this blind boy who lost this mother…the UnSub was his father figure and he killed his mother…is this fair?" he asked, Alex took his hand and lead him to the sofa she kissed his cheek and sat behind him before she pulled him close and ran her fingers over his head.

"No this isn't fair…I wish I could make it any easier, why don't you try to relax a bit Spence?" they were together for three months and he already didn't know how he should ever life without her.

"I will but not here…let's go to bed" Spencer said pulling her with him. Alex followed him into his bed room and both undressed; suddenly he slid his arms around her and kissed her neck. "I love you" she turned around in Spencer's arms and kissed him.

"I love you too" Reid sat down on his bed and Alex sat in his lap, kissing him passionately and his hands explored her body, opening her bra and let it fall to the ground. He spun her around so she was lying under him and kissed his from girlfriend's neck to her breasts causing her to moan and Alex wrapped her legs around him. She then brought her pelvis up rubbing it against him, Spencer sat back pulling her up and crashed his lips on hers but Alex pushed him on his back and kissed her way down.

He swallowed when her lips placed kisses on his length and Spencer hissed in pleasure when his member was engulfed by her mouth. But he pulled her up quite quickly again and kissed her while he entered her with a quick, rough thrust, making her gasped and her nails dug into his back when he started moving.

They immediately found a fast rhythm and Alex wrapped her legs around him again before she kissed Spence. He let his lips wander to her neck while one hand kneaded a breast and she felt his hot panting breath on her skin and her hands roamed over his body. He sat back and lifter her in his lap; Alex reached back with one arm to give herself some support while her hips moved against his, sweat glistened on their connected bodies.

"Harder…" she moaned and bit her lip as he satisfied her wish with pleasure and looked her in the eyes and she held his gaze, Alex then pressed her lips against his, Spencer took her arm with which she had held herself up and pulled her close, she laid her hand in his neck and her other around him to stay close.

"I'm so close" he panted huskily and pushed her back down on the bed to release himself inside her with one final thrust, sending her over the edge and Alex screamed out her pleasure. Reid needed a moment go get his brain to work again before he rolled off of her and pulled her close, Alex kissed his chest and snuggled close "I love you" he whispered and a smile washed over her lips, her eyes were still closed.

"I love you too Spence".

When Spencer woke the next day, the bright sun shining through a gap in his curtains told him that it was at least eleven am. And the warm body he held in his arms, told him that Alex still laid beside him. Reid looked down and smiled her hair fell over the part of her face that didn't lie on his bare chest and his hand cupped her left breast and he gave a short laugh.

The sudden movement must have woken her, as she began to stir. "Really fascinating…you always have your hands on my boobs after he had sex" she murmured and snuggled closer to him.

"Well, these are really nice boobs" he replied lifting the covers to get a better look and Alex slapped his wrist when his hand started to wander.

"Uh-uh" she made and he leaned down and kissed her.

"Hey don't blame me, how should I resist?" he asked and Alex huffed in amusement.

"If that is so, then I'll wear a T-Shirt when he have sex and afterwards too" he looked at her in mocked shock.

"Oh what have I done to deserve this cruel punishment?" Spencer said theatrically and Alex rolled her eyes before she gave him a peck on the lips.

"Don't worry, that would mean less fun for both of us" she said and got up, "I'll take a shower". Reid looked after her and then got up himself dressing in some boxer short sweatpants and a T-Shirt, before he went into his kitchen to make some breakfast.

When he was nearly finished, someone rang his doorbell. He frowned 'Who could that be?' he went to get the door and when he looked through the spyhole he saw nothing.

Carefully he opened the door and was surprised when he saw the whole Team standing there. "Hey what are you doing here?" he asked and was already pushed inside as they all walked in.

"Surprise Team breakfast" Rossi said.

"And you decide to hold it at the place of the one with the smallest apartment?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah well…at least we have it nice and cozy now" Morgan said and grinned at Emily who sighed annoyed, but Garcia giggled.

"You don't say chocolate thunder." Suddenly Reid remembered Alex!

"Oh! Hey, yes great idea but why don't we go to Rossi?!" he asked.

"Hey what's wrong pretty boy, you don't want to spent time with us anymore?" Derek said.

"Reid come on even JJ and I are here" Hotch said with a rare smile.

"Err. Not of course that is great but, it's just a bad time? I-I just got up and I have to dress first and give me ten minutes?" Spence asked.

"Go ahead we'll wait" JJ said "Or do you think we'll spy on you?" she added and looked at him puzzled. Even though Spencer was sometimes a bit restless it was something different now.

He looked around someone was missing "Hey where is Gar-" he was interrupted by two female screams, a mix of surprise and shock. They all recognized Garcia but Reid was the only one who knew that the other one was from his girlfriend.

"Oh no" he mumbled and squeezed past Rossi and Morgan, but it was too late.

"Spence?! What the hell is this woman doing in the bathroom?" Alex asked looking back as stepped into the living room wrapping herself in a towel, her skin and hair still dripping wet and when she turned to look at him, she jumped in shock to see five nearly strangers standing in front of her.

"H-hello?...Spencer what is going on?" she asked and tried to pulled the rather short towel a bit down, while her right arm made sure to hold the towel in its place over her breasts.

"Alex? This is my Team…guys? My girlfriend Alex" Emily and JJ waved at her both trying to hide their grin; Emily immediately recognized her and shook her head in amusement. Morgan opened and closed his mouth like a fish and Hotch and Rossi shared a glance, trying not to look directly at the nearly naked woman they knew from work in front of them.

"Nice to see you again Agent Blake" the older Profiler said and grinned when she saw her heavy blush.

"Oh my god! Reid! You never told us you had a hot, older girlfriend!" Garcia said appearing behind Alex who looked at the technical analyst.

"T-thank you?" she mumbled.

"Oh no problem sweet cheeks" this seemed to trigger something in Alex.

"Spencer? Could we talk for a minute?" she asked with a serious tone and he swallowed, before he followed her back into his bed room.

Once he had closed the door he turned around and tried a smile "Surprise?".

"Surprise?! Couldn't you at least warn me before I walk in there with nothing but a towel? Oh god this was so embarrassing! This woman just saw me complete naked!" she whined and hid her face in her hands.

He tried with all his might but explode with laughter "I-I'm sorry!" he managed to get out but didn't stop laughing. Alex took her hands away and stared at her boyfriend like he went nuts.

"You think this is funny?".

"You just walked in nearly naked, when my team wanted to surprise me" he laughed and Alex didn't know why but then she started too; soon they lay on his bed catching their breath.

"That just really happened didn't it?" she asked, he rolled on his side and kissed her.

"Alex, believe me it could have went way worse…at least they agree with me that I have a hot older girlfriend" Spencer said and placed a kiss on her cleavage. "But maybe you should dress, at least some underwear" he added and Alex playfully hit the back of his head.

He stood and pulled her with him, kissing her cheek. He turned to walk out, but turned again just when Alex let the towel fall and pinched her butt, earning a surprise yelp and quickly slipped out of the room, before the pillow could hit him which Alex threw after him.

* * *

"Garcia?" he asked and tried not to cough again.

"What can I do for you Gum drop?" she asked.

"I just want you to…d-do me a favor? Please if-if something happens to me- let me finish! If something happens please record what I'm about to say and give it to my Mom and Alex. Could you do this?" he asked.

"Okay…I'm ready you can start" she said in the fear of him dying she wasn't so bubbly anymore.

"Hi Mom…I-I just wanted to tell you something when I might not be able to…tell it myself again. I love you mom and I'm proud to be your son every day in my life I know I wasn't the son I should have been but…I hope you can forgive me for not talking to you more often." He said and was interrupted when he had to cough.

"Alex…I never thought I had to s-say this without looking at you, but I'll just do it know. I love you, I love you with all my heart the first moment I saw you I knew I had to be with you…t-that" he cough heavily but managed to control his voice so much that he could talk again.

"I'm the luckiest man in the world when I'm able to wake up beside you, no matter what I'll always gonna be with you Alex…never forget that. I love you" he said and Garcia was quiet for a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex was in the middle of a lecture when her cell vibrated when she looked at the ID, she already had a bad feeling as it was Garcia. She had told her only to call her, when Spencer was away, when something had happened.

"Please excuse me" she turned away and answered the call. "Garcia what happened?" Alex asked.

"Alex…I…Reid he is in the hospital. He was exposed to anthrax." She nearly dropped her phone.

"What! W-which hospital?"

"George Town" she answered and Alex turned to her desk.

"I'm on my way!" she said and hung up. "Err…please excuse it's an emergency! Jeffery you can continue" she said to her assistant and rudely stuffed her books back into her bag before she hurried out. Once the door had closed behind her, Alex started running to her car, the George Town Hospital was nearly a mile away and she started praying, for the first time since a long time, that Spencer was fine.

'Please be okay…you have to be okay Spencer' hammered through her head when she stopped her car near the entrance of the Hospital and hurried inside.

"Excuse me! Where is Dr. Spencer Reid laying?" she asked nervous.

"Second floor Room 248" the woman answered and Alex was already on her way up, her heart beating fast in fear what she was going to find. When she reached the room she walked slower and swallowed when she saw him behind the glass.

"Can I help you?" someone asked behind her and Alex whirled around looking at an Asian woman around her age, in a white scrubs.

"I- I'm Spencer Reid's cohabitant, what happened?" she asked tears in her eyes, the woman nodded.

"I'm Dr. Kimura and I was with him when he was exposed, it was scarce but he found the antidote just in time. He'll do a full recovery" she said and Alex closed her eyes and sighed in relief.

"Thank god, can I go in?" the woman nodded smiling.

"He might not wake up just now but maybe in two hours or so" Alex smiled before she went in and sat down at his bed and took his hand in hers.

"You scared me so much…for a second I thought I was never gonna hear your voice again" she whispered and kissed his cheek enjoying the contact for a moment "I love you so much, I couldn't bear losing you" she murmured and leaned back. Just being by his site and waiting, was what she needed, she had to be there when he was waking up. Whilst she waited, Alex whispered lyrics to herself, this time Hero by Nas.

"Of all the people I know, you're the last I expected to know this song" she turned around at the familiar voice and saw Morgan standing in the door way, a small smile on his face "How's pretty boy doing?" he asked when he stepped in and stood behind her.

"For being exposed to anthrax? Good, they expect him to wake up in an hour or so" she said quietly while Morgan walked around the bed and set on his other side, before eyeing her enquiringly.

"And how are you?" he asked and Alex turned her head to look at him with a slight frown on her face. "This is your cohabitant laying here, I wouldn't be that okay".

"I'm not…it seems like Anthrax is trying to destroy my life again. Did you catch him?" she asked and looked back to Spencer. He knew she only wanted an answer to her question.

"Yes, he's never gonna see the light of day again."

"Good." She said and they waited quietly. When his lunch was brought in Morgan stared at it for a while before he grabbed the jello and started eating it when Alex had gotten up to stretch her legs a bit starring out the window.

"Jello…is there more of this stuff?" Spencer whispered hoarse, immediately Alex spun around and walked back to his bed, in which Reid sat up.

"Spence! How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Hey…I'm okay." he said and squeezed her hand gently, Alex placed a light kiss on his lips and then looked him deep in the eyes. "I love you" she added and a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Not as much as I love you" Spencer answered.

"Then don't you ever dare to scare me so much again!" she said deadly serious and Spencer nodded, knowing that this was a warning he should take serious. He then glanced at Morgan and back at his girlfriend, "But I still get some jello right?"

* * *

"It's better if you bring this box in the office" Spencer said to Derek, who carried the moving box with books inside.

"Okay, but why do we have to help you moving in with her?" he asked.

"We're together since seven months, thanks for still calling me her" Alex said when she stepped into her house followed by JJ as the two carried the last boxes of Spencer's cloths, and the blonde Agent giggled, while Derek felt a bit awkward.

"Don't worry its Morgan's thing, he called Will "he" and "him" for nearly two years." JJ said and they walked past them and up the stairs. Garcia and Emily were already upstairs in the bedroom, opening the boxes and together they put the clothes in.

"Man these are many Reid shirts" the technical analyst said, eyeing the shirts she had in her hand.

"Well there could be many worse things than his taste in clothes" Alex said.

"For example?" Emily asked eyeing an ugly shirt with flower print.

"Well…he could own a porn collection as big as his book collection or wear dresses" she answered and took the shirt from a giggling JJ throwing it into the trash box "But from time to time when he's away, I sort out the really unwearable things and replace them."

"Great idea, I should do this with some of Wills stuff too."

"What should you do with Will's stuff?" asked Reid when he stepped into the room.

"Oh nothing" Alex said kissing him, Spencer wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek before he looked up at his friends.

"If you mean this cloth replacement thing Alex does, then look that you don't throw away too many cloths at once." He stated looking down at his girlfriend.

"Damn, I knew three at once were too much" he nodded before he kissed her again.

"Well I think we now have officially moved in together!" he said and Alex smiled "You can leave now" he said looking over Alex at Garcia, Emily and JJ who glared at him and Alex shook her head.

"I made my Mom's Chili, sort of as a thank you for helping us, yes I didn't forget you Penelope, I made a bowl without meat for you" Garcia clapped and they went downstairs where Morgan, let in Hotch and Rossi each held up a six pack beer.

"Not helping pretty boy moving in with Alex, but coming to eat away the food we earned, at least you brought something to drink" he said and Rossi wiggled his eyebrows.

"What can I say; we knew you could use something to drink after getting Reid's rummage inside" he said and Reid looked offended.

"Hey! I don't have rummage, do I?" he asked his girlfriend who held her hand up and left a small gap between her thumb and finger, whilst Emily snorted.

"Only a little bit" Alex said and his friends laughed at his contrite expression. They went into the kitchen where everyone got a bowl of Chili and a beer, they told stories and laughed about jokes. For them it was a perfect night with their family, Alex had laid her head on her shoulders and Spencer laid his on hers and when the others glanced at them they had to smile and were happy for Spencer, he was finally truly happy.

* * *

"Hey you want to do something together tonight?" Emily asked.

"Sorry guys I can't, I promised Will that he could go out with his friends tonight" JJ said.

"I was about to go out clubbing, but I can make and exception." Morgan said grinned and Emily rolled her eyes.

"Man we saved your cloth from getting ruined by all the drinks the women won't spill over you because of your bad pick-up lines" she said and he glared at her

"I have nothing to do either, I heard of a great bar in Alexandria" Rossi said when he waked by with Garcia who nodded.

"It sounds really great! Are you coming too Reid?" the bubbly blonde asked their friend who got up from his desk shouldering his bag.

"Sorry but-"

"Come on you can ask Alex and we'll have a great night with the sixth of us?" he smiled while he walked past them and turned around while walking.

"Nope, I won't ask her because tonight we'll celebrate our one year anniversary only with the two of us" he said grinning and turned around lifted his hand to wave when they all cheered.

"Is that why you cut your hair?" Emily called after him but Reid only lifted his middle finger before he walked to the elevators.

He went home to prepare for their anniversary evening he had planned. Okay he had the romantic bath with rose petals and candles, dinner and something to drink at the fireplace. Alex could come.

So Spencer waited until he heard her car and got up when Alex opened the door she looked like totally exhausted. "Spencer I'm-" she looked around and he smiled at her when her face lit up, he walked over and kissed her.

"You look like you could use a relaxing bath" Spencer said quietly and took her bag to put it on the floor before he led her up to the bathroom. When they stepped in she sighed and made him stop, first he thought she didn't like it but Alex stood on her toes to kiss him.

"How did I deserve you?" she asked and he smiled.

"That's the same question I ask myself since one year." He helped her undress and together they lay in the tube Alex leant back, laid her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Happy anniversary Darling" he whispered in her ear and Alex took his arms to lay them around her.

"Happy anniversary to you to Spence…I love you" she said and he kissed her neck.

"Are you okay Love?" he asked.

"Mhm…yes I'm okay, just it was a long day and I had the worst lunch in years! I'll never set on foot in the cafeteria again…this Professor for Forensics talked my ears off and I really had to tell him to shut up" Reid chuckled.

"That's my lady"

"I didn't want to be mean, but he was such a pain in the neck!" she said while she closed her eyes. They enjoyed the bath until the water started to cool down and they dried off before they walked back down to eat the dinner Spencer had cooked.

When he wanted to fill their glasses with wine she stopped him, "Not for me thank you Spence".

"Why? That's your favorite wine" Reid asked.

"I just don't feel like wine in the moment" he said and took her hand "Are you sure that you're okay?".

"Yes…" she lay down and placed her head in his lap; Spencer stroked over her cheek and ran his hand through her hair. "This is the best anniversary I ever had, you're the best Spencer" she murmured and took his hand to intertwine their fingers; he brought her hand up to press her lips against her hand.

After a while they both started to feel tired, they put their dishes in the sink blew the candles out and went to bed. When they laid in bed together, Spencer had his arm draped around Alex and was nearly asleep, Alex was snuggled up at against him and though of a way to tell him what was really going on, she was nervous though it were great news.

"Spencer?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm?" he made not bothering to open his eyes, her heart started to beat even faster and the hand that had laid on his chest draw a nervous circle on it.

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay…" he said with still closed eyes.

"I'm pregnant" she said and waited. No reaction.

"Mhm" he made again and Alex narrowed her eyes, she had expected a different reaction, had she thought wrong in thinking that he would be happy knowing that he was about to be a father?. The reaction came seconds later.

Spencer suddenly sat straight up, causing her to roll off of him and nearly out of the bed and stare at her.

"What?!" he asked.

"I'm pregnant" she repeated and Reid continued to stare at her.

"A-are you sure?" Alex nodded.

"Seven weeks" she said and reached over to her night stand and pulled out the ultrasound picture of their Baby and handed it to him. Spencer looked at it with tears in his eyes, though there wasn't much to see on the picture except for the small white grey spot in the dark amnion.

He looked up at her and kissed her, his hand trace to her abdomen and his thump stroked over her flat stomach. "I love you…I love you so, so much" he whispered and Alex smiled down at Spencer while he placed a gently kiss on her stomach. In this moment his phone rang and he looked up and then back to Alex.

"No, I'm not going to now" he said but she took his face in his hands.

"Yes you are…Spencer it's okay, you can go, we are going to be fine, maybe it's not a big one and your back tomorrow or the day after tomorrow." she kissed him and smiled.

"Are you sure?" she nodded.

"Go and save someone's life I love you".

"I love you two too, and when I'm back we'll celebrate this" he said while getting up.

"Wait Spence! I…I just want to, please don't tell anybody just now…I want to be sure that I can hold the Baby before we tell" he nodded.

"Okay, goodbye Love" he said and though he had to go, Spencer left with a smile, nothing could ever ruin this day, because he was going to be a father.

* * *

"So we can finally tell everyone?" Spencer asked and like in the last couple of weeks he had his hand on Alex small but noticeable baby-bump while they lay in bed and Alex traced a finger over her growing belly.

"I know it wasn't really fair to make you keep that from everybody but…" he silenced her with a kiss.

"No it wasn't, it was totally okay Allie" he said and lay on his stomach to kiss her belly.

"Let's go to the brunch with the team, I wanna tell them that we're going to be parents in 26 weeks"

"It's funny if you say it like this, it doesn't sound like 26 long weeks in which I'm going to be fat, get swollen ankles, my breasts are going to kill me when they are already starting to get sore now and I'll give birth to the little on in here in a really painful way" she said he grinned.

"Sounds like wonderful 26 weeks doesn't it?" he ducked the pillow she threw at him and kissed her, "Does it sound better when I promise you to have diaper change duty for the first month?"

"First two and we're even."

"Deal, now come on, if we want to be punctual we have to go in ten minutes." He said and the two of them started to get dressed and ready for this important brunch with their friends.

When Alex yawned beside him in the car Spencer shook his head. "You slept since half past eight, and we now have 11 am how can you still be tired?" he asked and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"You try to be pregnant, Dr. Hendly said that it is normal to be constantly tired, some could sleep all day, while other woman can't sleep at all" she explained.

"Well hallelujah that you can sleep, I don't want to go through this nightmare again when you can't sleep" she glared at him.

"Well then we'll have great first three months with our Baby which is going to make me constantly tired for three months." Alex said and had to laugh at the look in his face.

"Hey you hear me in there? Be a nice baby and don't keep your mommy up for weeks, because then daddy is the one who's punished" Spencer said as he quickly leaned over to her. Then Alex phone rang, it was Emily.

"Hi Emily what's up?"

"Hey are you two already on your way over or still in bed?" their friend asked.

"We're already on the way and only two miles away." Alex said smiling in two miles they could finally tell everyone that she was pregnant. Spencer seemed to think the same as he looked at her for a second.

When he looked back on the street, he saw the man standing on the street in the same moment as Alex did "Spencer watch out!" she yelled and he pushed the brakes to its limits but it was too late instinctively Reid pulled the steering wheel over, causing the car to roll over several times, crashing on the street after fifteen meters the car finally stopped on its back.

Spencer woke up moments later, his whole body was in pain, but it was worse in chest and left leg. He looked to his right and fear and pain made his heart pull together, Alex hung unconscious in her seat belt and blood ran down her face.

"No, no...Alex! Alex wake up!" but she wasn't responding to his words. Spencer unbuckled himself and tried the same with Alex after a nerve wrecking moment he managed it and kicked his door out, ignoring the pain in his legs, so he could pull himself and more important Alex out of the wreck. "Oh god what have I done? Please Alex wake up!" he begged her and looked up no body was here on this road in the nowhere.

He had to get up to get help! But he only made a few steps away before he collapsed; there had been a man...why had there been a man? He had to get help why wasn't he helping?. Blackness over took him and Reid lost his consciousness.

Alex awoke only seconds later first she didn't what had happened then, it all came back, she had talked to Emily and suddenly there had been a man on the street, Spencer had tried to brake and had pulled the steering wheel over, causing them to have an accident.

Her head hurt like hell and she knew that it was blood that tickled down her face, her arms and legs were hurt too but she still tried to get up, but couldn't. Where was Spencer!? She turned around and saw him laying some meters away. "Spencer?" she asked hoarse her voice full of fear and pain.

Alex stared to crawl ignoring the pain in her hands and knees when she pulled herself though the broken glass, which was everywhere. But she suddenly stopped and gasped when a nearly unbearable pain shot through her body outgoing from her abdomen. 'No! No, this couldn't happen! No, no, no not her Baby!' she breathed heavily but the pain only increased so she cried out and lay writhing on the ground in pain.

She felt something warm and wet between her legs and her right hand pulled her skirt up and when she took her hand back Alex saw that she was covert in blood. "Oh no...Please no! I don't wanna lose my baby" she sobbed and held her stomach, another contraction pulled her womb together and she felt more blood pouring out.

"Spencer! Spence...p-please help me!" she cried out for him and then he was next her pulling her close.

"I'm here...it's going to be okay, I'm here." he said and Alex cried harder.

"I'm losing our baby..." she cried desperately and her finger tips split open when she scratched her hand over the street when there was another contraction, forcing her child out of her. "I'm losing our baby" she repeated crying and Spencer whished there was anything he could do.

"I'll get help Allie! I go get help" he said but before he could try to move she grabbed his arm.

"No, please don't leave me alone, not now please" Alex screamed in pain and this time beside the blood she felt something else. In this second she knew it, she wasn't pregnant anymore, she knew it, she knew, that her dead 14 weeks old baby was lying between her legs.

Alex sobbed uncontrollably and Spencer ripped his sleeve off to wrap their baby in it and lay it between them. He then made her look at him, in her eyes he saw the pain of losing their baby and he it was his fault.

"Alex, please forgive me...it's my entire fault but please forgive me" he begged her and Alex laid her forehead against his, still crying.

"It wasn't your fault" she said and then they heard two loud bangs from a gun. Alex flinched but Spencer lay still he groaned and gasped of air. When Alex looked up her eyes filled with horror when she saw the two gunshot wounds in his chest.

"Oh god no! No! Spencer please no!" she pulled herself up though she was still in great pain, to press her shaky hands on his chest, but soon her hands weren't enough to stop the blood anymore. Spencer started to shake and coughed up blood. Alex didn't know what to do; he was bleeding to death in her arms.

Then there stood a man above her, it was the man who cause the accident. "I'm sorry, you were supposed to die and he should suffer...I'm sorry." with that he walked away.

"Why did you do this!? Why?" she screamed but he just walked away, Alex looked back down and saw Spencer's eyes flutter close.

"Spence, no wake up, please wake up! Don't leave me, please don't leave me, please don't!" she begged him, trying everything she could to save him. Then a pale hand stopped her hands and she laid one on his cheek.

"A-Alex…" he breathed.

"What?"

"Smile…I don't want to leave y-you when you're crying Love…please smile, the last thing I w-want to see…is your smile" she whipped the blood and the tears away and though her lips trembled she tried to smile, with all her might she tried to smile for him.

"Promise m-me to move on." He whispered and Alex nodded.

"If you promise to not leave me…" he took one hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"Thank y-you" he whispered while Alex continued to stroke over his cheek.

"For what?" she asked.

"For loving me…" through his body spread one last shake, a long breath left his lungs and Spencer's eyes turned empty. She stared at his face in pure horror.

"No Spence! No, no, no! Please no!" her cries of pure agony and misery echoed through the air, "No, please come back to me...don't leave me" Alex wept bitterly over his body. She pulled him up and clung to him tightly, slightly rocking him back and forth. She didn't hear the paramedics or how the team arrived.

She didn't hear the woman beside her who asked her to let go of him, because she couldn't, she couldn't let go of him. Alex didn't see how the whole team gathered around her, didn't hear JJ crying at Rossi's shoulder and didn't see Derek's look a mix of sorrow and the wish to kill something, as he held the sobbing Garcia in his arms. Next to him stood Emily staring down at them with sorrow, tears running down her cheeks, Hotch stood next to Morgan's other side his expression showed anger but also deep sadness.

He walked over and kneeled beside Alex and laid his hand on her shoulder, but she didn't react to his touched and continued to bury her face in his neck.

"Alex…let go of him…" Hotch said quietly.

"No…no I can't…I can't" she cried and he hesitated for a second before he touched his dead Agent and friend gently forcing her apart, he noticed the other hand helping him as Rossi's while Morgan took also care of JJ.

"Let me go! Let go! No! No, no, no" she tried to get free of their grip and clung tighter to Spencer.

"Alex it's okay, you can let go…let go Alex" finally she loosed her grip and Rossi pulled her up in a hug, not caring about the blood. She sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, her whole body shaking and he felt how her legs weren't able to hold her up anymore.

"Hey! Help me over here, she's having a nervous breakdown!" he called out and the paramedics walked over.

"We have to remove her from here" one of them said and Emily volunteered to ride with her, not able herself to see his body anymore.

Inside the ambulance car, Emily noticed the sleeve of Spencer's shirt in her hands, she tried to take it but Alex pushed her away, "No! Don't take it please don't take my baby away from me!" she sobbed and stroked over to bundle, Emily looked at her shock, she had been pregnant? She hadn't only lost Spencer but their child?

"I'm not going to take your baby away from you Alex" she said.

"You can't tell anyone please" Emily nodded.

"I promise" she said calm before she slowly took the bundle from her hands and opened it, whilst the paramedic took care of Alex.

What she saw made her heart ache and she closed her eyes for a second. In the sleeve was a fetus so little but still completed arms, legs, fingers, toes and a face a little human, but still so tiny she looked back at her friend, Alex had not only lost the love of her life, but also their baby and tears ran down Emily's cheeks, sometimes, this world was so unfair and so unbelievable cruel.

* * *

"What is wrong with her?" JJ asked the doctor when she and Morgan stood outside her hospital room. They went to visit her in the hospital two days after Spencer had died.

"The accident and loss of her partner and child threw her in a deep depression...she went directly from PTSD to an emotionlessness depression. She refused to eat and if she continues this, we have to start nourish her intravenous" he explained and they both looked at him shocked.

"Child?" they asked and JJ laid a hand over her mouth in shock.

"Yes…she was 14 weeks pregnant but lost the fetus in the accident…she gave birth to it on the crash site, the paramedics brought it in, she would have had a healthy Baby, my colleague was pretty sure it would have been a boy" he said looking sadly at Alex, JJ whipped her tears away and also looked back at her friend lying there in her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"And there is nothing you can do?" Morgan asked the doctor sighed and shook his head.

"I'm afraid we can't…sometimes when people are traumatized so much, that they fall into this state to save themselves and their minds from insanity, some lay here like her…others are locked away in a psychiatry. You can decide for yourself what is worse".

"Can we go in?" JJ asked he nodded.

"Yes but…don't expect her to react to your words…and don't mention the accident, the baby or her partner who died or else she'll might have a breakdown" he said and they nodded before they went in. JJ sat down beside her and gently took Alex's hand in hers.

"Alex…it's me JJ" she said quietly to all their surprise she turned her head and look at them with empty eyes.

"He's dead and our baby…their dead" tears ran down JJ cheeks and she squeezed her hand.

"I know…I'm sorry Alex, so, so sorry" she whispered.

"T-this man…he told me…he told me he was sorry…I-I was supposed to die not him, he was supposed to suffer" she cried and Morgan stepped forward tears burning in his eyes. "Why did he do this? Why didn't he kill me? I don't want to life without him or my Baby…".

"We don't know, Alex…but he is dead I killed him." Derek said and laid a hand on her shoulder. They had found the man yesterday. He had told him that they had investigated against his Lover and because Spencer had leaded them to him, he had tried to kill Alex to make him suffer like he had.

Morgan was glad that this bastard had gun, he had executed him for killing Spencer and making Alex suffer, but no one investigated, not when he had killed an FBI Agent. But Derek knew it wasn't making anything better for her, his dead wouldn't bring Spencer or their child back.

* * *

Three days later Alex was released from the hospital even though the Doctors would've like to keep her in but Alex had insisted to leave, soEmily would bring her home. "You're ready?" she asked and Alex nodded.

"Yes..." she was quiet for the whole ride and when she stood in front of her House she took a shaky breath and unlocked the door. When she stepped in, her heart shattered, he would never walked through this door again, her baby would never grow up here. Alex saw that there were many massages on their answering machine and she unplugged the thing, not wanting to hear anything from anyone.

"You want something to drink?" Emily asked and went to get her friend a glass of water.

"You can go if you want" Alex said but Emily sat down next to her.

"No I won't go" she replied and laid her hand on her shoulder. She knew she shouldn't leave her alone now but Alex wanted to be alone, she didn't want to have company in the moment she wanted to be alone, because she was, this man had taken the only thing from her what really mattered. Spencer and their Baby.

"Please go now Emily...I want to be alone please" Emily sighed she couldn't forcer herself on Alex so she got up.

"If you need anything, please call okay?" Alex nodded and Emily left. Once she was alone, the tears started to fall again; she would never get over his dead, how should she when this man hadn't only taken her soulmate from her but the one thing she would have lived on for, her baby.

The thing was that she didn't want to live on, she didn't want to wake up every day for the rest of her life with the insight that he was gone forever, the pain that made it hard to breathe and which spread through her body with every heartbeat. She got up and walked to the officer were most of his beloved books were, he would never sit here on his old couch in piles of books.

She finished what she had to do and walked up on the roof terrace, where he had once prepared a romantic dinner there and had carried an air mattress up and they had slept there under the stars. Alex felt that she wasn't alone anymore.

"What do you want Hotch?...Can't you…just leave me alone?" she asked without turning around, walking closer to the small railing.

"Emily called that you were home…" Hotch said when he stepped closer.

"And this was an invitation for you to come?"

"I'm sorry Alex…I know this won't bring Spencer back or make it any easier for you, but he was also our friend, we are all here for you" Aaron said.

"Spencer told me how Haley died…but you know what's the different between you and me? You were her husband, you mattered…for everyone else I was just his girlfriend, I don't matter; I'm just the woman he lived with and got knocked up. But do you know the biggest difference? When she died you had Jack to take care off, you had to be a father for him…what is left for me to live for? He killed my Baby Hotch… he took him and our baby from me" she whipped the tears away and Hotch swallowed.

"I know and I can't tell you how sorry we are…it wasn't fair that this happened to you" he said quietly "I wish I could turn the time back, because Spencer loved you like he never loved anyone before you, so don't tell yourself that you didn't matter, you've been all that mattered to him Alex."

"Answer me a question…would you still be standing here if it wasn't for Jack?" she asked and still didn't turn around to look at him. Hotch was quiet for a moment.

"I don't know" he answered truthfully.

"He made me promise to life on, you know…in his last minute he made me promise it" she said and turned around. "And he promised me that he would never leave me alone…he broke his promise and there is nothing for me to live on for" and in the other second she stood on the railing.

"I'm allowed to break my promise too" Hotch jumped forward.

"No! Alex!" she lifted right foot and tipped her back and fell over the edge, the wind rushed past her ears, she smiled and looked up at Hotch, who was a second too late to catch her and watched her fall with shock.

Alex felt her heart beat and she closed her eyes still smiling when she felt the ground approach from behind. Familiar arms caught her and held her close, she was save now, and nothing could ever part them again. All three of them.

* * *

Alex had died instantly and Hotch had informed the team of her suicide, for them it wasn't surprising, still they were sad that they had lost two close friends in one week, knowing that at least now, they were together and Alex hadn't to suffer anymore.

Three days later they were buried in a grave together, they had only found the letter Alex had wrote after the funeral, trying to explain why she did it and that they shouldn't mourn her death. Because though she would have been able to live on, she didn't want to, not without him and their child. She was happy that she could be with them for eternity.

Two years after Spencer and Alex had died, Alex-Spencer LaMontagne was born as the second son of JJ and Will and the little man really lived up to his name of his parents friends. When he would be old enough JJ and Will would tell him about the great people he was named after, and that a kind of Love existed that was so strong that people couldn't be parted from anything. Not even death.

* * *

 **I'll say nothing.**

 **crazy CM fan**


End file.
